I Love You But
by Lollie Lozzie
Summary: Hermione head girl and draco head boy, Draco likes her but Hermione is confused, and when she is proposed to she has to say, I Love You. . .But but now Draco has turned the tables- will he leave hermione? CHAP UP!
1. Home But Heartbroken

I Love You. . .But  
  
Home But Heartbroken  
  
Light gently filtered through the gap in the curtains and cast a blue light on the ceiling, the ceiling was so white that it was an eerie contrast but still not unpleasant. As I concentrated on the ceiling I knew why, to try and avoid what I really wanted to know, and that was, was it all a dream? Was I at home right now and would Mum come in a second to tell me breakfast was ready and she'd cooked me pancakes as a special treat? I knew the answer, I'd always known, I just didn't want to confront it, because confronting it makes it real and it can't be real, if it was, I didn't have anyone left, no-one at all.  
  
I felt a light breeze on my face and wondered if I could lie here forever, not having to worry. Not having to fight. Not having to fear. Not having to love. Not having to live in this tortured life I now lead. If it wasn't for Harry, and the Weasleys I didn't know what I'd do.  
  
I moved my head slightly and looked around, the room was pretty plain, no doubt about that. All it contained was a dark mahogany wood four poster bed, a matching desk and matching bedside tables. I'd been too tired last night to unpack; I'd just changed into my Pyjamas and thrown myself on the bed before I'd have to talk to Malfoy or anyone else for that matter. Apart from the bed, desk and tables there were two doors leading from my living space for that next year. One, I knew went to the hallway and the other, I guessed, lead to the wardrobe. The hallway itself had four different doors coming off it; my room, the common room, the bathroom and Malfoy's room.  
  
I moved my wrist up so it was caught in the light and I could see the just- luminous reading- 7:20. Shit! I had a meeting with Dumbledore at 8:00 so if I didn't want to be late I'd better get my butt into gear.  
  
I stretched out my leg and yawned as I moved my toes to try to encourage them to function; them and the rest of my body that was still asleep and in dreamyland. "Come'on," I mumbled to myself as I stretched my arms and walked over to my trunk. I started to sort through it for my washbag and towel when I realised I'd sorted through my whole trunk without noticing a thing. I sorted through it again and this time paid attention to what I was doing. I quickly located my clothes, washbag and towel and headed for the shower.  
  
Out my door, into the hallway. The hallway wasn't much more interesting than my bedroom but at least it contained some paintings; one of two wizards playing wizard chess surrounded by a circle of onlookers, the game looked important by that way the players were concentrating on the game, one was sweating! The other painting was a portrait of a sour and stubborn looking witch that was always scowling.  
  
I approached the door and pressed my ear against it, as the familiar sound of a shower came to my ears I leant back against the door. So, I'd have to wait, that didn't matter, it'd just mean I'd be fully awake for my shower.  
  
I rested my head on the door and shut my eyes for a second. For the first time in weeks I'd been able to have a proper sleep, no dreams, no crying, just sleep. Blissful, peaceful sleep. And I'd needed it, I was so tired but most of the time whenever I closed my eyes I'd think of them, their faces, their kind words, their sacrifice for me. Their faces will always be clear in my mind, I'd never forget, never.  
  
I fell backwards as someone opened the door to the bathroom, jolting me out of my train of thought, jolting me back into the real world. The real world, I wondered why it was such a nightmare for me now, all I ever saw from people in the last few weeks was sympathy, kind words and thoughts. None of this helped but it didn't do any harm either, all I wanted was something no-one can give me, no-one. I wanted to live with them, enjoying our time, making sure it never ran out so I could never experience grief again.  
  
Sometimes I wished so much that I could be with them, or even just lay down forever remembering them, the way they laughed, cried, danced, smiled. I just had to try and hold on to anything I could, because I so afraid that one day I would try to picture them, doing something or even just their faces, and I wouldn't be able to; their faces would be lost to me forever. Sometimes I'd think it never happened and I'd get up the next day and fell a stab of pain in the pit of my stomach. First I went into denial, I remember weeks of telling everyone it was a mistake, they were just gone for a holiday, then it was fear, fear that I'd be next, not wanting to go out the front door, grief was next, crying for days on end and not wanting to do anything, then came a mixture of hate and anger, wanting revenge and trying to go out and find him so I can kill him. Now I don't know what I'll be, today I just wanted to remember.  
  
"Sorry," Malfoy said, looking at me and then flashing me a quick smile "I didn't see you there."  
  
He was wrapped in a navy blue towel and his hair- it wasn't flicked back with gel like usual; instead it was parted so some of it hung in his face and was still dripping wet. He also had a nice body, I realised, with it all nicely toned. I suspected he did a lot of running and was very fit. The only thing that really shocked me was dark, fresh purple and blue bruise; on the right side, just under his ribs. He was looking at me, his eyes met mine, it was like he was not just looking at me but in me, sensing my mood, my thoughts.  
  
He was still smiling at me and I realised I still hadn't said anything and was just gazing at him wonderingly. "Ah, yea, thanks," I mumbled, brushing a piece of hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear, then stepping into the doorway of the bathroom, I was about to shut the door when he spoke.  
  
"Umm. . .Hermione?" He asked, his eyes still looking deeply into mine, at that moment, that millisecond, we connected; his eyes were no longer cold and unfriendly, no longer full of hate and anger. His eyes were no longer those of Malfoy, my enemy, the one who called me a mudblood and tried to curse my friends, but those of a concerned peer, those of someone who was hurting as deeply and painfully as me, a friend. . .almost. I used to think his eyes were a steely grey- incapable of loving, but to me now they were a soft silver that I admired- they were warm and loving. A changed person was living inside him, a changed soul. He was no longer Malfoy but Draco.  
  
"Yea?" I asked hesitantly, wondering why the hell he had used so much emotion for those two words.  
  
"Are. . ." He began, looking me, "I mean. . .do you know about our meeting with Dumbledore?" He finished, now looking at the floor.  
  
I looked at him, it was clear, at least to me, that he was going to say something else but then changed his mind; that he was going to ask me something- and it wasn't anything about the meeting. "Yea, McGonagall told me yesterday on the train," I said, then following on with "And I better get on with my shower or I'll be late." With that I closed the door.  
  
The bathroom was unlike the hallway and my bedroom because it was so beautiful- not that the other rooms weren't it's just that they were so ordinary. The bathroom was different; it consisted of a bath big enough to be a swimming pool, a huge shower, toilet, hand basin, and two full length mirrors and many painting and statues. The bath was gold and the taps all different coloured glass. The shower was a rounded glass one so you could see right through it, and the whole bathroom was in the navy blue theme- the curtains, tiles, towels and a shaggy navy blue rug for one, well, four then. There was two full length mirrors at opposite sides of the bathroom, next to which was two cabinets, on the mirrors in the left hand corner read HB and HG. Then in the right hand corner Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, of course, because I remember the day I got the letter- how could I forget, it was when I was in my 'revenge' period and wanted to leave the house and kill him- Voldemort that is.  
  
Flashback * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
I was angry- too angry but then I had every right to be, he KILLED MY PARENTS! I started throwing things in my trunk, not caring how messy they were. Ginny burst into the room, her flaming red hair flying, and started to speak.  
  
"'Mione, don't-" she started but I cut her off,  
  
"NO GINNY! YOU DON'T!" I screamed at her, my face, I knew would be red and puffy, my eyes holding back tears. "You listen to me! I am sick of everyone telling me to leave it, that I have to hide, BUT I CAN'T! He killed my parents, my aunt and my uncle, the only relatives I had left and you're trying to tell me I shouldn't go!" tears were streaming down my face but I hadn't finished, I needed to get this out. "Ginny, you don't understand, he's taken everything away from me! I can't just stay here and let him kill more people!" I collapsed onto the bed sobbing uncontrollably and Ginny just walked over and sat on the bed, next to me.  
  
"'Mione, you're right, I don't understand, but if you go out there you'll get yourself killed and what'll I do?" Ginny was now crying too and hiccuping occasionally. "I'll have lost my best friend!" she wailed.  
  
Just then a tawny owl dropped a letter on the bed next to me and I straitened up and looked at it, but it was just a stupid Hogwarts letter! I fell back down on the bed, my head on the doona. Wait a sec! I thought, Hogwarts letters don't come this early! I ripped the letter open and looked at the words- in print- I had gotten Head Girl at Hogwarts! HEAD GIRL! I straightened up again and screamed with joy, I GOT HEAD GIRL! I started laughing and behind all the happiness realised that my parents wouldn't want me to be killed for them anyway- they sacrificed themselves for me, for me, for me. . .  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ END FLASHBACK  
  
I got undressed and stepped into the shower, turning on the water and trying to wash my sorrows away. 


	2. Changes for the Better

***AN- Thanks for all the reviews guys! I might have a couple more chapters up by the end of the holidays 'cause I have nothing to do, but maybe not because I DO have a social life, and thanks to everyone who reviewed, there are thankyous to the reviewers at the end. I hope you can review, please, please, please!!! If you liked it, (or hated it) reviews help me get motivated to write more, and if you didn't like it tell me how to improve and then my stories will be better! Does anyone else think Heath Ledger and Orlando Bloom are hot? I do, I'm obsessed! HOTTIES, I promise you guys there'll be some Draco-Hermione action soon but I want to build up suspense first, 'cause basically Hermione is really confused and likes Draco and Harry but doesn't know what to do 'cause her parents are dead (Voldemort killed them) and so she ends up with someone really unexpected. If you want you can try and guess who when you review, my friend was trying to and she said Snape and Dumbledore and Flitwick and Nevil (LOL) so READ, REVIEW!! Hope you like it***  
  
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.K.Rowling, the plot (and some places) belong to me.  
  
~*~*FOR NAT*~*~  
  
Who read this first and given me total support in this, thank you so much Nat, you don't know how much it means to me. I wouldn't have published it if you hadn't been so enthusiastic about it.  
  
Thanks as well as my other close friends Abbey, Emma, Sarah and Bec. (Who don't really give a shit, LOL!)  
  
Changes for the Better  
  
I stepped out of the shower and felt better; a shower always cleared my mind- the hot water rushing down always helped to make my problems seem trivial.  
  
I changed into a dirty denim mini and off-the-shoulder top before putting my robes on overtop, and then my HG badge. I stepped in front of the mirror and looked at myself, I felt different, but I had no time to contemplate it, it was already 7:50! I put on some make-up, mainly mascara, eyeliner and lip-gloss. I let my hair dry in little ringlets and then put on a single, silver cross and chain, I'd never been really religious but it used to be my mother's and I wanted her to be with me today.  
  
I gathered up my stuff and quickly put them in my room, then went down the hallway and into the common room. The common room was wonderful- full of squishy chairs and a huge bookcase, I felt like going over there now so I could read the whole lot. Malfoy was sitting in one of the armchairs and got up when I walked in he got up.  
  
"I thought I'd wait for you," He said, running his hands through his hair. "'Cause you might want some company,"  
  
I gazed at him thrown; I never thought he could be so thoughtful. Just then I'd been thinking that I wished I didn't have to walk down on my own, and he waited so I wouldn't have too, I felt a rush of gratitude towards him and loved him for thinking of me when he himself should be in grief.  
  
Wait, did I just say love?  
  
"Thanks," I said, "Do you know where we have to go?"  
  
"Yea," He responded, once again running his hands through his blonde hair, "It's um, near the Great Hall."  
  
I grabbed my black shoulder bag with my books in it and set off, my bag, which in past years had been extremely heavy, was now light, because I only had one subject this morning- Transfiguration. We went to the portrait hole and pushed it open; we were now in roomy passage with many portraits, some of past head boys and girls, some of people and some of past headmasters. The one that lead to the Head Boy and Head Girl common room and bedrooms was of an old wizard who grumbled and scowled when you went near him.  
  
We hurried down the passage and I glanced at Draco again, he was looking at me! When our eyes met they were warm and friendly, looked away and then realised he was looking at me up and down, I wondered if he liked what he saw, and smiling to himself. I wondered if Draco liked me.  
  
"No! As if Hermione, grow up, he hated you, remember?" I said to myself but part of me wondered, his eyes where so beautiful, his thoughts kind.  
  
"Um, I think it's down this passage," Draco said to me and walked swiftly down a roomy passage which was lit with torches, Draco's head was bent down slightly and I could see where his hair ended. His body was not slumped, his face not jeering as he threatened others. He was different now, well of corse he was- everyone changes when they lose a parent.  
  
That made me think of what my parents would of thought of Draco and I had to take a deep breath as memories came back, painful memories, but still happy and joyful.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~  
  
-Mum and Dad taking me to Wonder-World and us going on the rides, - Dad giving me a piggy back around the kitchen while mum made dinner, -Mum and Dad beaming at me after I got my Hogwarts letter, -the last time I saw them. . .  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~  
  
A tear ran down my cheek but I brushed it away quickly and forced myself not to cry, I wasn't going to in front of Draco, not ever, it didn't matter how much he had changed no-one was going to see me cry.  
  
We reached a plain dark wood door and Draco knocked, the door opened to reveal a room that was set up for our meetings because it contained a long table with chairs around it. The chairs around were occupied by prefects and the heads of houses, Professors McGonagall, Snape, Sprout and Hooch, the chair at the head of the table was occupied by Dumbledore, who greeted us warmly.  
  
"Ah, Mister Malfoy and Madam Granger, come in now, we're about to start," He gestured to two empty seats on either side of him, I sat down on his right, next to Professor McGonagall, who smiled at me, and Draco on his left, next to Professor Snape who was giving me an extremely greasy look.  
  
"Now that everyone is here we can begin," Dumbledore said looking around at everyone seated at the table and smiling. "Today we have a lot to discuss and we will start with the new wing at Hogwarts,"  
  
There were many murmurs after Dumbledore said this and I saw Ginny Weasley sitting down next to a Gryffindor Prefect, and was surprised, Ginny wasn't in 5th year, she was in 6th, and what was she doing here?  
  
"Quiet, now" Dumbledore said looking around once again at the students and teachers gathered around the table, they all fell silent at the headmaster's words. "First, as you might have noticed, their has been a new wing built at Hogwarts over the summer, it's purpose is to accommodate our head boy and girl and it contains two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a common room behind one portrait, a study area behind another, a meeting place for them and the prefects behind the third and a extremely comfy meeting place for the head boy and head girl, and ONLY the head boy and head girl as they will be the only one's to know the password. This is so they can get some peace without disruptions." I looked up at his mention of the other rooms in our corridor; I hadn't known about them! And what did Dumbledore mean when he said "peace without disruptions"? I mean why would we need peace without disruptions from teachers and. . . .  
  
I stopped thinking about it when I saw Draco ginning at me slyly, What? Oh, I realised what he must be thinking and went red, how dare think that I would  
  
"Now, we also have a new Head Boy and Girl this Year, Mister Draco Malfoy from Slytherin and Miss Granger from Gryffindor." Applause broke out from everyone, especially from the Gryffindors and Slytherins, and I saw Ginny smiling, her flaming red hair pulled back with some still falling in her joyous face, with plenty of freckles.  
  
"We also have some new prefects and head prefects, as some of you know we have decided to have one head prefect from each house to direct orders to the 5th year prefects, the head prefects will work closely with our Head Boy and Girl but also conduct meetings so that our Head Boy and Girl can use their time to concentrate on some other events that will take place this year. Could our head prefects please stand up as Mister Malfoy reads out their names."  
  
Dumbledore stopped and Draco stood, brushed his hair out of his face and picked up a piece of paper, just then, that single moment, when I looked at him I realised I like him; I really did, I wanted his comfort, his mind his body, I really liked him. Draco began to read the names and I couldn't stop looking at him, "For Gryffindor, Ginny Wealsey," Ginny stood up and beamed; the HP badge on her robes glowered as there was applause. "For Ravenclaw Luna. . ." I wasn't listening to the rest but sat my head down on my folded arms and gazed at Draco, his soft smile was so beautiful, he must have sensed my eyes on him because he glanced at me and then seeing that I was watching him continued to read but still had his eyes on me, his finished reading and sat down, his eyes still locked in mine as Ginny got up and read out the prefect's names. Dumbledore spoke to the prefects and they then filed out, it was only when Dumbledore addressed us personally did he look away.  
  
"Now, I hope that you room is comfortable and you are enjoying your leadership duties so far," Dumbledore said to us-Draco and I-after everyone else had left "About this Head Boy and Girl room, the password is to be known only by you, the portrait is the one of the scatterbrain witch, third portrait on the left, the password is evol si dnilb, ad the lady will let you two in after you have repeated the password to her, this room is for you two only, she will let in the boy and girl with your Head Boy and Girl badges and if you know the password, this means not even I can get into this room without a substantial amount of force, which I will never use on this castle unless in dire situations." Dumbledore finished up and that was our signal to leave, as Draco reached the door Dumbledore finished off with,  
  
"And I will need another meeting with you two on Thursday- the day after tomorrow- so we talk about some of the events coming up. Hope you have a good day." At that Draco opened the door for me and let me walk through first, holding it open, then walked through himself, I waited for him, and walked with him not knowing where he was going.  
  
"So, um, what class do you have this morning?" I asked him, trying to catch his eye, but his face was cast downward.  
  
He paused for a moment before answering, and then spoke slowly, "Advanced Transfiguration, with Professor McGonallgol." He said, looking at me once more "Then I have break, a free period, then lunch, then double Advanced potions, then another free,"  
  
"I have Advanced transfiguration now too!" I exclaimed "And then break, a free, lunch, double Arithmancy, then Care of Magical Creatures."  
  
"Cool," he replied, then glanced at me, "Ah, if you want too, I mean you don't have too but you did. . ." He trailed off for a second but then spoke, "I mean would you want to sit with me in Advanced Transfiguration?" He asked.  
  
My heart swelled, maybe he liked me too! But then again maybe he just didn't have anyone to sit with, but he asked! We were now walking up some stairs when I realised I hadn't replied yet, "Oh, yes, thanks, that'd be great," I replied as we reached the corridor were our classroom was.  
  
Draco sat down outside the door and I followed him and did the same, leaning against the door, waiting for the bell to ring. Draco reached into his bag and brought out three peaches, wrapped in napkins, I felt like drooling; I hadn't had time for breakfast and there wasn't enough time to go back down to the Great Hall to get some.  
  
"I believe you didn't get breakfast," Draco said to me, handing me two peaches and taking a bite of his own, the juice dribbled down his chin and I laughed, he just smiled and wiped his mouth, the said, "Well they're really juicy! You'll have it all over you soon too!" And he was right, soon the juice was dripping down my chin and onto my uniform, we just sat there giggling until we had both finished, with the sticky liquid everywhere. Draco wiped his own mouth with one of the napkins and as he smiled at me I spoke,  
  
"Thanks. . ." I started but trailed off as Draco wiped my mouth with a napkin, leaning over my legs to reach my face, and I felt his breath on my cheek as he came closer, the smell of his deodorant; he put one of his arms next to mine, leaning on it as he put the other arm around my shoulder; I could see deep emotion in his eyes as his lips came closer to mine, we were about to touch,  
  
BRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG, the bell sounded as we heard footsteps just around the corner, I broke away as Professor McGonallgol came close but I was already regretting it: regretting having to break away from his comforting arms and smile, his handsome face; his manly smell.  
  
"I'm glad that our Head Boy and Girl at least can be on time," Professor McGonagall said as she drew near and as we got up, grabbing our bags, she unlocked the door as the other students came down the corridor. We walked inside and Draco sat down in the third row, I followed him and sat down beside him, getting out my parchment, quill, ink and textbook. We were silent as the rest of the class filed in noisily and took their seats.  
  
Professor McGonagall stood up at the front and everyone stopped talking, she started the lesson with a talk about our NEWTs similar to one she gave us at the start of 5th year about our OWLs.  
  
"This year you will work harder then ever, if you want to get an Outstanding newt you will have to reach some very difficult levels of magic, including. . ." I stopped listening when Draco's hand brushed up against mine, I looked down and piece of folded paper was sitting next to my hand, I picked it up and opened it, it was I note from Draco. I quickly hid it so Professor McGonagall wouldn't be able to catch me reading notes in class and looked at it properly, it read:  
  
Hermione,  
  
What are you doing at break and your free period before lunch? I really want to talk to you and catch up, I know about your parents and want you to know I know how it feels.  
  
Draco  
  
I read it over again, that would be good! Harry and Ron would want to see me I knew; but they could wait until lunch, couldn't they? I realised they answer-no. Harry and Ron would be able to wait, I'd have to see them at break but I could see Draco in my free! Yes, that'd be it, I'd talk to him in my free and see Harry and Ron at break. I turned the piece of paper over and wrote a hasty note:  
  
Draco,  
  
I'd love to talk but I have to see Harry and Ron and Ginny at break because they've been really worried about me, I see you in the free though, thanks for offering, You don't know how much it means to me!  
  
Hermione  
  
I wondered if I should leave the last bit or not, but I decided to leave it, and gave the note to Draco as Professor McGonagall finshed up, she annoced were would be working on transforming objects into animals but that we'd be taking notes this lesson. Everyone got out their things and started to copy notes, Draco looked at me and nodded, then started to work. For the rest of the lesson no-one talked but Professor McGonagall gave us homework- to finish taking notes on the subject and be ready to start practising the incantation on Thursday. The bell rang and we all hurried out, when Draco and I got to the portrait hole and walked into the common room Draco spoke,  
  
"I'll meet you in that room Dumbledore mentioned, the third portrait on the left, I'll be there when break finishes so meet me there, ok?"  
  
"Ok," I answered, walked down to my room and threw my bag down as I collapsed on my bed, it's the first day back and already I didn't know what to do, at the start of the summer I'd thought I'd liked Harry, but one morning with Draco was already changing that, Oh, what to do?  
  
I heaved a sigh and got up; I'd better go meet Harry and Ginny and Ron now, I walked to my door, still wondering.  
  
***An-Did you like it? I hope you did, so now all you have to do is REVIEW!! Thanks for reading this far though, I hope to update by Friday or Saturday hopefully, anyways, here are some thank yous for the people who reviewed:  
  
dRaCoS-gUrL3-thanks for the nice review, I read your story Someone Like You and it was REALLY good, keep writing!  
  
Looney-Lovegood- thanks for another positive review! I know it was a bit of a cliffy and this one is too! Thanks!  
  
DanishGirl- I'm glad you liked it! Thanks! 


	3. A Meaningful Meeting

***AN-I like to start off this chapter by saying REVIEW! PLEASE! ALL YOU NEED TO DO TO KEEP ME WRITING IS READ THIS THEN REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! PLEASE!!!  
  
Okay now, I hoped you liked the (almost) kiss in the last chapter. In this chapter Draco reveals what went on with his father (a little bit) and why he was so horrible, his hand on Hermione's makes a big difference and Hermione has bottled her feelings up for so long that when Draco offers help she takes it and releases her feelings to him.  
  
Did anyone watch "10 Things I Hate about You" last Saturday? It was on in Aussie (Australia) its soooooooo good and Heath Ledger is sooooooooooooo hot so it's really kool.  
  
If anyone wants to email me about this story or any of my others or their stories or ANYTHING my email is heath_lover001@yahoo.com.au! I really appreciate emails and ideas on how to help me or suggestions for the plot. More thank yous at the bottom! I go back to school on Monday, lucky me! Hope you like it!***  
  
Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.K.Rowling, the plot (and some places) belong to me. "Hands" belongs to the singer Jewel.  
  
~*~*FOR NAT*~*~  
  
A Meaningful Meeting  
  
Ron and Harry were talking furtively and soundlessly so I couldn't hear them until I was up close, they both looked worried and Ron kept glancing from side to side. They didn't see me or hear me because I was so light now that I didn't make much noise, when I got up close I heard them talking.  
  
"Well, I dunno where she'd be," Harry said, looking thoroughly worried, "She wasn't at breakfast and we didn't get to see her on the train, and she was avoiding us at the burrow and Grimmald Place, so, I dunno, I'm really worried about her!"  
  
Ron glanced again to his right before speaking, "I am too! But what's worrying me the most is her having to be so close to that git Malfoy, who knows what he'd do! And I still don't understand why YOU weren't chosen to be Head Boy,"  
  
Harry Paused, then said at great length, "Well, Dumbledore will have his reasons, but where could Hermione be? I talked to Ginny and she said that she saw her at the meeting and she wasn't herself at her all, oh no, where is she?"  
  
Here I decided I should speak up; I was right behind Ron and piped up, "I'm here." Both of them jumped a mile! Ron spun around and Harry hugged me, wrapping his muscular arms around me, he let go after a minute only to have Ron, hug me! "What? I don't mean that much to you do I?" I asked, when both boys had let go of me,  
  
"Yes, you do," Harry responded, "Come over here, how was your lesson? What subject did you have? What's Malfoy been like? I smash his head in if he's called you a mudblood!"  
  
"Yea," Ron agreed, "But how was the meeting? What have you got next? Why weren't you at breakfast?"  
  
"Hey, Slow down," I said, "My lesson was ok, I had Transfiguration, Dr-I mean Malfoy hasn't said anything to me, he's been alright, the meeting was good, I have a free next and I wasn't at breakfast because I woke up late and had to go to the meeting." I said this all in one breath, then looking at their stunned faces I added "Does that answer all of your questions?"  
  
"Yea, I guess," Harry said, sitting down against the wall, with Ron following, I sat down in between them before Harry continued, "I have a free next and so does Ron, do you want to catch up then?"  
  
I bit my lip, I wanted to, I did, really, but I'd already agreed to meet Draco, so I couldn't. I didn't know how to tell them.  
  
"Ummm, I can't, sorry, I have to meet Malfoy. He asked me too."  
  
I thought this wouldn't go so well with Harry and Ron, and I was right.  
  
"That mangy git!" Exploded Ron,  
  
"Fucking Hell, why Hermione? HE TRIED TO KILL YOU!! What do you think he's trying to do? Be friends with you? " yelled Harry.  
  
Just then Professor Snape swept by, his greasy hair still the same. "My, My, My Potter," he said, "Forgetting the school rules already? It's only first day back, detention tonight Mr Potter, the dungeon, maybe that will stop you using foul language at school,"  
  
At that he turned on me, "And our new Head Girl with people already disobeying the school rules? You had better watch you mouth Potter, especially when you are so near members of authority, you wouldn't want Miss Granger to be stripped of her badge now, would you?"  
  
He then swept off, his usual look of hatred on his face.  
  
"That-" Ron started before I cut him off,  
  
"Ron, No, be careful! Snape would love a reason to give you a detention too," I took a deep breath as the bell rang, I'd have to meet Draco, I mean Malfoy soon. Goddamit! Why am I calling him Draco??  
  
"I have to go, sorry," I said, "I'll see you at lunch,"  
  
I walked off before either of them could do anything, I had to meet Malfoy.  
  
* * * *  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
* * * *  
  
I reached to Portrait hole and paused, the picture was of a witch being burnt at the stake-she of corse would have done a simple fame freezing charm on the fire and would not be being burnt at all- but she was looking at me and then asked my if I knew the password,  
  
"Ah, yea" I replied, not knowing if I wanted to go in there,  
  
"Well what is it? If you don't know you can't come in!" she said in a very high and very shrill voice that could be quite annoying.  
  
I paused, then decided I'd better go in, and give her the password.  
  
"Evol si dnilb" I said and the portrait sprung open,  
  
I stepped inside and saw Draco sitting near a fireplace, on a comfy looking lounge chair reading a book, beyond him was shelves and shelves of books, many that were very large and dusty. There was also a writing desk, a day- bed and other squishy armchairs, all decorated in the same navy blue that the bathroom was. When Draco heard the portrait open and me come in he got up, sat his book down and turned around, looked at me and nodded. His eyes were solemn and sad, but the darkness I had once seen in them was not back. I walked over a armchair next to his and felt sudden sadness wash over me, like a tidal wave of memories, realised that Harry was lucky in a way; he never new his parents long enough to remember them, he would never have to experience this grief that was now consuming me. I started to cry softly, not making a noise but an unchecked stream of tears cascading down my face. After a minute Draco spoke,  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked, looking into my watery eyes and then speaking again, more softly and gently. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."  
  
I wiped my left eye with my hand and spoke to him a feeble and timid voice that even Ron and Harry had never heard, let alone him. "Why are you saying sorry?" I asked; my eyes cast downward on my skirt. "You never did anything, I'm sick of people saying that, like it's their fault or that they understand, but they don't."  
  
Draco then reached over and put his hand on mine, I felt shivers down my spine and body started to tingle, that's how much his hand on mine affected me. "I know that," he said, even more softly then before and even more kind and caring. "But I do understand, but not completely. My mother is dead; my father is a death eater and all my other family support Voldemort, like my father. I have no-one, no-one." He voice trembled, then stopped, until now he'd been completely calm, speaking of his mother's death and Voldemort's name did not seem to deter him.  
  
"My mother always loved me," Draco said, when he spoke again. "She protected me but my father hated me and he. . ." Draco trailed off and when he did not speak I felt inclined to continue.  
  
"My parents loved me," I whispered, "We loved each other, we always went on holidays together, they missed me so much when I was at Hogwarts so when the summer holidays came we spent every minute together, they got so worried when I told them about. . ." I paused then continued. "About You- Know-Who and they came to find me when I ran off to find Harry." A tear rolled down my cheek and Draco held my hand tighter, his own trembling.  
  
He got up and sat down next to me, leaning over he whispered in my ear. After a second I realised he was singing a song, his voice was good and the song was beautiful.  
  
If I could tell the world just one thingit would be that we're all OKand not worry 'cause worry is wastefuland useless in times like these I won't be made uselessI won't be idle with despairI will gather myself around my faithfor light does the darkness most fear  
  
My hands are small, I knowbut they're not yours, they are my ownbut they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken  
  
Poverty stole your golden shoesit didn't steal your laughterAnd heartache came to visit meBut I knew it wasn't ever after We'll fight, not out of spiteFor someone must stand up for what's right'Cause where there's a man who has no voice There ours shall go singing  
  
My hands are small, I knowbut they're not yours, they are my ownbut they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken  
  
In then end only kindness matters In then end only kindness matters  
  
I will get on my knees and I will pray I will get on my knees and I will pray I will get on my knees and I will pray  
  
My hands are small, I knowbut they're not yours, they are my ownbut they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken  
  
My hands are small, I knowbut they're not yours, they are my ownbut they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken We are never broken  
  
We are  
  
God's eyes  
  
God's hands  
  
God's mind  
  
We are  
  
God's eyes  
  
God's hands  
  
God's heart  
  
We are  
  
God's eyes  
  
God's hands  
  
God's eyes  
  
We are God's Hands  
  
We are God's Hands  
  
He finished and pulled away but his hand was still on mine and his eye full of passion and love. It was so beautiful it made me cry even more, the tears trickled down and when Draco went to get up but pulled him down and rested my head on his shoulder, on wanting to let him go and after a long time of just sitting there he put his arm around me and I did not push him away but let his arm lay across my back and around my shoulder. He never let go of my hand and then when the bell rang for lunch he just kissed me lightly on the lips; he leaned in I felt protected by him, I knew he would never hurt me. I pulled my feet up and lay against him until we had to get up the next lesson; and even then he got up first, held out his hand and helped me up out of the chair, brushed a piece of hair out of my face and lead me out of the room, down the passageway and into our common room. I went down and got my books. When I came back into the common room he was waiting for me, he had not spoken since he sang me his song. He came up close and whispered in my ear,  
  
"I have to go, but I'm always here, always. Don't forget that." He kissed me on the cheek and went to the portrait hole, pushed the portrait open and stepped out, glanced back me once more then walked off. I felt as if the world was ending but that I had found new life.  
  
"In death we come to Life"  
  
***OMG! I love this chapter and that saying! Hope you review PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!*I'M DOWN ON MY KNEES* Please! That song that Draco sang is called 'Hands', it is by Jewel and on her album 'Spirit' Here are some thank yous for reviews:  
  
-DanishGirl, thank you and it WAS your smiling like a little child that got me too write more! Lol!  
  
-katemmalestrange, thank you! I'm glad you thought it was good!  
  
-UN-fOolisHed, I KNOW DRACOS HOT!! Ahh, hottie!! (LOL), I'll read your cousin's soon I promise, thanks!  
  
THAT'S ONLY THREE!! PLZ, PLZ, PLZ MORE REVIEWS!!!!!!**I'll cry** Boo who!!  
  
Luv Ya's all,  
  
Loza (heath-lover) 


	4. I Don't Understand

*** Guys, I know this is terribly short but it seemed right to end it there so I'll update tomorrow to make up for it, Thanks for the reviews BUT I NEED MORE! MORE REVIEWS!! Please, Please, Please!!!***  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them!! It's not fair!! *____*  
  
***I love Heath Ledger (Sorry I just had to add that)***  
  
~*~*For Emma*~*~  
  
GO EMMA!!!! Hey you'll probably never read this but you might so I'm dedicating it to you. You have been such a great friend so I've dedicated it to you AND SARAH I'LL DEDICATE IT TO YOU NEXT TIME. Just so you don't go "awww! I want it dedicated to me!" Can't wait to go Trick or Treating on Friday! :p Nat I haven't forgotten you! :-)  
  
I Don't Understand  
  
My hands are small, I knowbut they're not yours, they are my ownbut they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken  
  
The song played through my head as I lay half asleep on my bed; I was still replaying Tuesday's events through my head, even though it was two days later.  
  
Did Draco like me? Why did he kiss me? I felt protected by him and he said he would always be there for me. Has he really changed? I was trying to decide weather to get up or not when a soft hooting made the decision for me. An owl! It wasn't Hedwig or Pig so who could the note be from?  
  
I walked over to the owl and took the parchment off its leg. It flew off happily and I unrolled the note. It read:  
  
Hermione,  
  
Will you ever notice me or one day stop and stare? Will you ever kiss me or stop and smell my hair? Will I ever meet your friends or just get asked to dance? Why won't you just take that plunge and just give me one chance?  
  
Love your secret admirer.  
  
What the hell?! Oh shit, I thought, oh shit oh shit oh shit. There's some creep out there who sending me letters! Oh God, I thought. Why the hell would someone be sending me letters? Then it dawned on me- Draco!  
  
Draco must have sent this! But why wouldn't he sign it? I was confused. Draco- it must have been him; but could it? I felt Draco would sign a note like that cause he new it would freak me out if I got an unsigned one. I was scared, maybe it was some weirdo. I would have to ask Draco.  
  
I walked to my door went into the hallway- good the bathroom was free. I had now arranged all my stuff in my bathroom cabinet. I had a free this morning and then a meeting with Dumbledore so I had plenty of time. I started to run the bath and filled it with pink strawberry scented bubbles. I undressed, threw my clothes down the laundry cute and hoped in, the water was just right- it was hot like I liked it.  
  
I dived underwater and started to swim- I was an okay swimmer and I had taken lessons for a few years.  
  
I felt fresh, being surrounded by water always calmed me down and gave me a chance to think.  
  
***Sorry its so short I'll update tomorrow because of it:-)  
  
I'll also put all the thank yous on tomorrow:-)  
  
(\/) \ / (My demented love heart)  
  
Love yas all  
  
Loza (heath-lover)***  
  
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| See the arrow? See where it's pointing? Get the point?  
| REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
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	5. I can't be with you

I Love You. . .But  
  
***Sorry it's so short, I'll update within a week if I can.  
  
If anyone wants to email me about this story or any of my others or their stories or ANYTHING my email is heath_lover001@yahoo.com.au! I really appreciate emails and ideas on how to help me or suggestions for the plot.***  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own them!! It's not fair!! *____*:-P I wish I owned Heath Ledger:-P  
  
~*~*For Sarah and Emma*~*~  
  
I KNOW WHO BOTH UR KKs R!!!!(I THINK)  
  
I Can't Be With You  
  
I got out of the bath and grabbed my towel and reached for my robes, SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!  
  
I had forgotten my clothes- they were in my room. Oh no! I'd just have to run out the bathroom with my towel around me since I didn't have my wand! I just hoped Draco wasn't out there.  
  
I made sure my towel was secure and opened the door, rushed out but found my bedroom door was locked. GREAT! Just what I need, to be locked out of my bedroom wrapped in a towel when Draco could walk in at any moment.  
  
I heard the hallway door open behind me and footsteps. Someone came up behind me and put their arms around me, I felt my skin prickling at the touch- I felt electrified. A voice whispered in my ear.  
  
"Need some help?" Draco asked.  
  
I blushed; after all I was in a towel and nothing else.  
  
He had gotten out his wand, "Alohomora," he whispered.  
  
I had been leaning on the door slightly and we both fell forward when the door flew open, I bumped into the bookshelf and fell on my bed- dragging Draco with me because he had his arms around me still.  
  
I moved so I was lying on my bed properly and Draco moved so he was next to me, he leaned over, his leg was next to mine and our skin touched. He kissed me softly on the lips and then leaning in and kissed me harder- properly. It was my first real kiss and it felt amazing. Draco put his hand on my cheek and kept kissing me harder and harder.  
  
My hair was damp and it fell across my face, he brushed it away and started kissing me again.  
  
He unbuttoned his shirt, oh HELP! Oh no, oh no! He can't, he doesn't! Does he?  
  
He lay down next to me again and kissed me. Oh, help, this wasn't the Draco I had seen before, the one who said he'd always be there for me - he'd never be so forward.  
  
I felt the old Draco would, even force someone to something against their will but he had changed- hadn't he?  
  
He just lay there with me, breathing heavily.  
  
What? What was happening? Why was Draco doing this? I looked at his chest and saw once again the dark purple and blue bruise.  
  
But after he broke off he got up and left, closing the door.  
  
I felt strange, what was that? I mean I liked it but what did he mean by it?  
  
I got dressed and went into our common room- Draco was reading Hogwarts a History but I could see tears in his eyes.  
  
I sat down next to him and put my arm around him.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry I did that before."  
  
"But-" I said but stopped; I didn't know what to say.  
  
He just kept crying, I laid my head across his chest and sat there.  
  
"Draco, what's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"You can't call me that." He said.  
  
"What?" I said, "Why?"  
  
"You have to call me Malfoy."  
  
I was taken aback. "But- I mean, why?"  
  
"I think I love you Hermione."  
  
I was stunned.  
  
"I think I always loved you, when I used to call you a mudblood, when you hung around with Potter and Weasley- that was mostly why I hated them so much. Because you were so close to them. When you went out with Potter last year I hated him so much."  
  
"But you were on our side last year." I said, "You weren't with You-Know- Who."  
  
"It wasn't because of Voldemort that I hated him- it never was. It was because of you."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"I love you Hermione, I always have, but I can't be with you."  
  
"Why can't you? Why can't I call you Draco?"  
  
"You just can't."  
  
He started to cry again.  
  
"Draco,"  
  
"Don't."  
  
"Draco-"  
  
"My father."  
  
"What?"  
  
He kissed me slowly and beautifully then broke away.  
  
Tears were rolling down his cheeks, "That was last time I could ever kiss you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I have to get married."  
  
***Sorry it's so short again.  
  
Loza (hEAtH-LovER)  
  
Sorry I took so long but I've been REALLY sick for like 3 weeks now. Soz *_____*  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!***  
  
Thank Yous:  
  
Nat()- Thanks! Hope you didn't get into trouble!  
  
Goddesskali- I'm glad you liked it  
  
Cho100- it's short again today sorry! 


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